The agony! Is this an ongoing theme? It will be for as long as I am trying to redirect myself here. As I continued my trek to eating like some form of cattle, today would bring a couple of new obstacles. But do cattle eat chicken? I hope not. If I walked up onto a cow gnawing on a chicken, I would quickly exit the scene.
I was too tired to make breakfast this morning ... so I at a couple of slices or wheat toast with a yogurt ... Chobani I think. I also had my usual cup of coffee. Tomorrow is Jaryn's 1 year birthday and his party. Yuci (my wife pronounced you - see) is going with a caterpillar theme for the decoration and the food design. His cake is actually a bunch of cupcakes arranged as a caterpillar. Yuci is also making everything from scratch. So I had to go shopping. But first I had to head to the church and pick up all of my gear from the other night. A church uses our facility Friday nights and Saturday afternoon and my gear is high end stuff ... can't leave it to be accidentally or neglectfully damaged by people who don't recognize the value of it. So off I went!
Did I forget to mention about the torrential down pour today? It took me almost two hours to get 14 miles across the city. Lightning had struck several poles and many roads, including the expressway were closed. I was only supposed to be gone for a few minutes and ... well ... it took me 4 hours to get home. I left at just after 11 certain to be home in time to eat ... oops.
Have you ever tried shopping hungry? It really is a bad idea. Never shop hungry, because that's when you experiment with food and snacks ... stuff you would never normally buy or even like you suddenly have an enormous craving for ... like hog head cheese. Who buys that under normal conditions? But I have when starving. I almost bought these root looking things .. hoping that maybe in some way they may taste like home-made apple pie with ice cream.
Dinner was supposed to be another treat ... a veggie sub from Subway. Only the guy was new and overwhelmed by my "complicated order." I need to start sending someone else to get the food. I know there was no other choice considering that everyone here was busy working on the most aromatic and pleasurable foods for my son's party ... of which I will eat none. Strawberries covered in chocolate, grape kabobs made to look like crawling bugs with the head dipped in chocolate and candy eyes. It smells so good in here. Anyways, my sub was soaking wet! I hate wet bread! It is the worst thing I could have ... it is torture! I would rather poke out my own eyeballs and eat them than touch wet bread. It was a major disappointment ... but it only cost me $4 so ... I didn't have to pay too much to be tortured.
As I sit here and write, my thoughts go to tomorrow. I will start with a men's meeting at a local restaurant ... but I will order and eat right. Then the party ... oh boy. Some would say that I should just be moderate and enjoy myself ... it is after all a special occasion. But that is exactly what I cannot do. I promised that no matter what I would do this ... no matter what .. and this is a "what" that matters. For the rest of my life I have to learn to rethink food and my use of it. I can enjoy my son's bday without violating my word. There will be future birthdays, and my goal here is not to never touch cake again ... but discipline is discipline and that's that.
In closing, I also want to state my condolences to the grieving families dealing with unimaginable pain and heartache as they sort through the aftermath of the massacre in Colorado. I am so sorry for your loss.
Till tomorrow
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